Tracy Jordan's Non-sequitors in Emanuelle Goes to Dinosaur Land

[In the copy shop stairwell remembering his childhood.]

TRACY: It's all coming back to me! Oh my God!
I slept on an old dog bed stuffed with wigs!
I watched a prostitute stab a clown!
Our basketball hoop was a rib cage. A rib cage!

Why did you bring me here? I blocked all of this stuff out for a reason.

Oh lord! Some guy with dreads electrocuted my fish!

DOTCOM: Tray, use this pain to get your Oscar.

TRACY: I hate pain! I'm doing Garfield III and as soon as I make some copies of my passport I'm never coming back here! Move!

[On the movie set.]

Well, I'm sorry Sean and child actor whose name I can't remember. You haven't walked in my shoes. All my life I've tried to forget the things I've seen.

A crackhead breastfeeding a rat.
A homeless man cooking a Hot Pocket on the third rail of the "G Train." The G Train Nermel!
There's something inside of me that needs to come out! And if Garfield III: Feline Groovy can't tell my story, then I'll win my Oscar elsewhere. Or I'll die trying!

[Back in the stairwell.]

I've seen a blind guy bite a police horse!
A puppy committed suicide after he saw our bathroom!
I once bit into a burrito and there was a child's shoe in it!
I seen a hooker eat a tire!
A pack of wild dogs took over and successfully ran a Wendy's!
The sewer people stole my skateboard!
The project I lived in was named after Zachery Taylor, generally considered to be one of the worst presidents of all time!

I once saw a baby give another baby a tattoo! They were very drunk!

Funniest Weapon Ever

Probably my favorite sitcom right now is 30 Rock and one of the reasons is that it is so keyed into what is going on right now. Almost everything that is amusing, strange, or downright stupid about our society, government, and pop culture is certain to get satirized on 30 Rock. A few months ago, a hilarious story started making its way through the news cycle particularly on the blogs. Apparently, the US military at one point tried to create a non-lethal weapon which would make enemy combatants want to have gay sex with each other. It was the funniest story I'd ever heard and couldn't stop laughing when I read about it.



Just think about it—you're an evil enemy soldier brainwashed to hate America and suddenly a weapon strikes and suddenly you feel an irresistible urge to go shopping, listen to Elton John, and have gay sex with your fellow soldiers. It's hard not to laugh when you think that it. And the military seriously considered turning that into a weapon.

Sure enough a few months later, you have 30 Rock satirizing the idea. In the episode, when Jack Donaghy leaves GE for a job in the Bush administration, he is so shocked at the general incompetence at the White House, that he immediately decides to get himself fired at the first sign that he might get the head job at GE after all. And how does he propose to accomplish this? By trying to revive the "Gay Bomb."